To Slow Down, To Live.

Photo by Phil from Pexels

My alarm rang at 6 o’clock in the morning. I jumped out of my bed, had some workouts, went straight to the bathroom, put on a piece of dress, rushing to the car while munching my morning sandwich for breakfast. The traffic was terrible. I cursed several times because everyone suddenly became so annoying. A bunch of meetings was on my list waiting for me to tick them up on my to-do-list note. Yes, I am that kind of person who still using the to-do-list book for my daily notes even though there is plenty of digital planner app. In the evening I ran into the same-even-worse traffic on my way back home. My life was so busy. I kept running, running, and never stop for a while to take a breath. So busy until I often feel afraid of doing nothing.

So, last year, I decided to add a new habit to my daily routine. Meditate.

In late 2019, I started to read about zen and mindfulness. I started with a book from Leo Babauta called zen habits and found myself fell in love with the book and started to read more about zen. I also started to learn Buddhism as a way of living. Thich Nhat Hanh’s books are one of my favorite.

When the pandemic stroke and people forced to stay at home was the perfect time for me to start the new habits. I started to wake up early at 5.30, did 10 mins of meditation, hit my running shoes or yoga mat, cooked breakfast, and enjoy it peacefully while checking on my mails, then I’d had a good shower before I jumped to my work. It’s not really easy at the beginning, yet I became more habitual.

Did I get the result? No.

Sometimes I messed up with my morning routine, dragged back to my old rushy morning. I often failed to manage myself wake up at 5.30 when I had been working all night the night before. I can’t help myself staying in a peaceful 10 minutes sitting meditation realizing my in and out-breathing.

But all I did is just to keep doing it, and today, a year after the first day of my first-morning meditation, I realized the changes.

I realized that I used to have a bad temper. I burst into anger so easily when my brother annoyed me. It was hard for me to be patient, in so many ways, especially in terms of process. However, on contrary, I started to understand people who annoyed me, and instead of angry, I tend to easily nourish an understanding and compassionate attitude towards others. I also more gently to myself and the situation when it comes to process. Life sometimes takes a lot of process, hardship, and TIME that we need to endure. I started to aware of the reasons that lie behind every moment, emotion, and action in our life.

Moreover, I also do things more organized and mindful nowadays. I’m no longer put on my make-up or eat my breakfast while driving in the morning (yes it’s really a bad habit). I became calmer in the middle of traffic. My desk became more organized and tidy. I started to eat healthier. My relationship with my family and friends grew more and more every day.

And the most important thing is,
I started to find joy in every single and simple thing in life.

I write sometimes. Sometimes, I write.